joy

I watched Little Women last night before I fell asleep. I love that movie. I wish I was as confident, independent, and brave as that Jo March sometimes.

Today, I'm working on my JOY.

vday meh.

I'm not a Valentine's Day girl. Never have been, probably never will be. I also just realized that I started my post 365 days ago with the same sentence. Go look it up. See, things don't change. It's not cause i'm single, i've had my fair share of Vday celebrations with a significant other...the magic of the holiday just never blew my socks off.

I just think if you're gonna show someone how much you love them, why not do it February 13th? Like why not wake them up, make them breakfast, and say "surprise, i love you early."

Today I'm thankful for:

-People who know me well, know how to make me smile, and always know what to say.

-The beautiful weather.

-Peace of mind.

I procrastinated too much this weekend, and now I have a crap load of reading and papers. Damn typical. I can't begin to describe how ready I am for this school thing to be over.

Shout out to my LLF. Be mine? ♥

productivity

Couple thoughts for the day:

1. I LOVE being productive. Even if it just involves cleaning, laundry, and job searching. I love the feeling of finishing things and knowing you accomplished some goals. This might be a reflection of how horribly boring my life is, but seriously guys its freakin' sweet to be sitting in a clean room with the windows open and sun shining.

2. The other day my good friend Justin told me to never say never. What a great piece of advice. I've been super stressed out recently about job searching and realizing that all jobs pretty much suck. I need to learn to take a step back and not forget to live in today. Thanks JB. Yes, I realize that I just trivialized my future career, but hey that 16 year old has got game. Who wouldn't want to be him?

3. If i had my way right now I would be laying in one of these:

In a place that looked like this:

Reading this:

Drinking this:

And hanging out with somebody like this:

I believe I can make this vision happen. Never say never right?

beginnings pt. 2

Wow, i suck at this. It's not for lack of inspiration or words, but simply my lack of initiative. My solution: short and sweet. Perhaps if i cut down on the length of my entries, the thought of starting a new one won't seem so daunting.

I can't really begin to describe what the last month of my life has entailed. It flew by, and yet each day seemed so painfully long. Full of lessons and laughter, my last semester of college is well underway.

This might be best portrayed through bullet points. In the spirit of sticking to my new blog goal, and to appease my type-A personality I will lay it out here:

• I've become a cute dresser. Shocker I know, but seriously I have to put these outfits to good use, despite the fact that NO ONE at this ridiculous university seems to appreciate my efforts. Stop staring people, sheesh.
• My freak-outs and dramatic meltdowns have been at an all time low, which is a blessing considering what is creeping my way in 3 months. Thank you Jesus for peace.
• I have never appreciated my family more. My mom's wisdom and my dad's guidance have truly been the push to get me through some days.
• I understand the meaning of real, genuine friendship and I'm desperate to not settle for less. Even if it means moving on and looking ahead.
• Despite my frustration and tendency to disagree with particular aspects of a certain something, the girls in my WIL group make it all worth it.
• There are so many exciting adventures i've discovered, and I'm always in the process of convincing myself they will all definitely happen. Coachella (maybe next year?), New Orleans (2 months baby), Baltimore/NYC (grad trip maybe yes?), and various road trips and beach visits for sure.
• I am constantly trying and failing but slowly and surely learning to find joy in even the little things throughout my day.

that's it. expect me back soon. pinky promise.

beginnings

I seriously can't believe it's 2011. The last year sped by so quickly, looking back makes me wonder if I enjoyed it to its fullest. I can not even begin to describe the incredible lessons, journeys, and adventures that I was a part of in 2010. I without a doubt can say I am a different person than I was on this day 365 days ago.

Last night, I remembering telling a new friend "2011 is going to be a big year for me." I have no idea what possessed me to say this honestly. Maybe it was my secret hope that all my dreams will come true this year... or maybe it was just one glass of champagne too many. Either way, I'm choosing to go with it.

I thought about re-visiting the highlights of this last year, but honestly I have no desire to do that. I learned a lot of hard lessons, grew up a lot, and made some rough decisions. I also lived my life to the max, had no regrets, and experienced sweet friendship. I have decided that it can all be summed up in this: I lived and learned to the fullest. Whatever that even means.

Instead I would like to reflect on the year ahead, cause hey 2011 is going to be a big year for me remember? As of now, the unknown outnumbers the known to an alarming degree, but I don't feel like having a nervous breakdown right now so we're choosing to ignore that fact.

-I know that this year involves me being a college graduate, better sister, and an actual adult.

-I don't know where I will be living, what I will be doing, or who I will be with.

I will continue to be myself, love being myself, and not let others change what I believe. Happy New Years :)

Due to celebrating, I did not in fact get this post published before midnight soooo happy January 2nd everybody!

christmas

I've been home for two days now... and I could not be happier. I have spent 95% of my time in my pajamas. I wake up every morning from my bed on the couch to loud conversations and people watching TV around me, but it doesn't seem to bother me. The last two months i've been waiting and wishing this break would get here cause all I wanted to do was get out of college station. Now it's here, and it's everything i wanted. I love reading books with Ellie and shopping with Mom. crafts with Cambreeeeah and ...well nothing with Daniel cause i'm not a pro at video games, thus cutting me out of his social circle. I'm so thankful for these people and for the family God gave me.

Christmas is my favorite holiday, and I have and will embrace it with everything in me. Hot chocolate, baking goodies, fires, decorations, lights, wrapping presents, TONS of festive music, and sitting around the house all day long. I LOVE IT. The fact that i'm about to start my last semester of college has only magnified the little things in life that i take for granted, so this post is just a little reflection of that lesson.

Joey is incredibly excited about the holidays as well.

Shout out to my LLF ♥

letter fifteen

This might not be a letter, but it's the words of my heart right now.

I refuse to be quiet.

I refuse to take my time for granted.

I refuse to let my joy be taken from me.

I refuse to let others dictate my heart.

I refuse to look back with regret.

I refuse to be held back from what i desire.

I'm growing.

I'm being stretched.

I'm called out of my comfort zone.

I'm my own person.

I know what I want and I wont settle anymore.

I'm okay with not being loved in this world because I know that I am loved by Someone bigger.

I've been taught so much about perspective in the last 6 months. I've been broken and defeated, desperate on my knees, only to have the Lord give me a big fat slap in the face of perspective. Realizing that what I mourn for is selfish and incomplete. When i step back and understand this world and my place in it as a complete tool and servanthood for my God, what else matters? The people around me will fall away and the things I consider dear might not last, but in eternity I will be fulfilled. I can't even begin to explain the ways I have changed during this last year, from the best and worst of experiences. I know that when I wake up every morning and feel like I have no constant, it doesn't matter because this world doesn't matter. I want to love others like I am called to, I want to live my life worthy of my Savior, and I feel like He is dragging me closer to the point of willingness to let everything else in my life go to make that happen. Revealing my dependencies and lack of trust, I have no choice but to cling to Him. How beautiful is that moment when the desperation clears, and I realize that I have no desire to return to what I once considered my rocks. He is enough. I love the change, and I embrace the person He is making me to be, because I know that it is more of a reflection of Him than when I try on my own.

I'm ready to be taken into this world, leaving behind what it offers, and chasing something Better.

letter fourteen

Dear Roomie (Heather Tolleson)'s Future Husband: thanks for completely making my day

http://www.todaysbigthing.com/music/2010/11/11

letter thirteen

Dear Sweet Savior: Thank you for continuously reminding me of the prayers You have answered in my life, specifically in these last couple weeks. Every time I open my journal and read back through the pages, i am humbled and blessed beyond belief. Your grace and redemption is perfect. Teach me to be compassionate and reflective of your PERFECT love. Dear Ellie: Every time I call home and you answer "hey girlfrieeenddd" I laugh and have a wonderful day. You're a beautiful bundle of joy. Dear Leggings as Pants: I will never leave the house wearing you, but just between us you are suuuuper comfortable. Dear Christmas Crafts, Baking, and Apparel: HERE I COME. Dear Best Fran: I loved your hat today, you're precious. Dear Roomie: I love when you wear glasses just cause they're cute.

letter twelve

Dear Yesterday: You were by far the worst day I have had in LONG time. It's a funny story now, and I'm glad that Jesus gave me joy to laugh as things went wrong, but seriously let's not have it be that bad for a while k? Dear Rangers: It's time. Dear Finance Test: Prepare to get dominated tonight. Dear Mommy: Thank you for hanging out with me all day Saturday, I hope I can be as wonderful as you someday. It's such a blessing to have a mom that is first on my list to call everyday. I love you! Dear Semester: You're half over. ballin! Dear Jelly Bean: You're precious, and I love all your pictures and voicemails. This week i've been constantly reminded of the absolutely beautiful picture you are of how much Christ loves us. Can't believe it's been 6 years since I met you.

Where I will be hanging out all day studying:

letter eleven

Dear Friday: you are a breath of fresh air. Dear Mommy: you have no idea how excited i am that you are coming to hang out with me tomorrow. thanks for being the best in the world and answering your phone every day when i call. Dear Drama, Secrets, Gossip, Immaturity, and Selfishness: not to be harsh, but I'm freaking done playing your games. you will not control my world anymore. so sorry! Dear Future: I will not be scared of you. I will be myself, I will say what I think, I will love the things I love and be okay with that. I will know that my sweet Jesus is the only One in the world that will be with me forever no matter who or what I have to leave behind.

letter ten

Dear Absolutely Wonderful, Beautiful, Cool, Breezy Texas Weather: PLEASE stay forever. Dear Creepy Subway Worker: I know i've been there twice in the last week, but you reminding me that you remember every detail about what I was wearing last time completely weirds me out. Dear Savior: Most of my life consists of me feeling lost, broken, and clueless. It's refreshing to know that in You, I don't have to feel that way. Dear Papers: I'm going to just quit writing you soon, how bad can not graduating be? Dear Scary Movies: It's because of you that I have ran from my car to my front door every time I've gotten home after dark this week. I'm not sure why I continue watching you, but it probably won't stop. Dear Watermelon Sour Patch: Best. Snack. Ever.